dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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