I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
