He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
