the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
