So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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