Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
