he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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