k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
