He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
