Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
