He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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