: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize