so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
