OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
