He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found puke in my bra..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
