yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
