My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
