My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
