STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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