I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
