i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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