well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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