The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
