I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
