I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
