Barsexuality is the new black.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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