I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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