So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
