I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
