The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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