he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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