Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
