Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
