Whod you bang
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
