I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Boobs are out for the taking
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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