The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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