look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
nutella sex= disaster
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
