i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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