i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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