She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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