I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
