we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
