Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
