I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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