I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
