I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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