ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
