I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
