My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
