I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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