How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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