this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
