so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
