Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
4 words: hood of his car
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
